Lost in Love: The Curriculum You Were Never Taught

We all want connection. We want to feel seen, heard and understood. Feeling chosen, loved and accepted is food for the soul. It is one of the most meaningful parts of being human.

This is not just about romantic relationships. It’s about the people you build your life around. Each person who shares in your everyday experience contributes to the level of joy and support you feel in life. Inevitable life stress is much more bearable with the support of our people.

It matters so much to us that when things go wrong, it hurts deeply.  We can feel so close to someone…and then things shift. Understanding turns into conflict, safety turns to insecurity and suddenly we’re confused and disappointed. It feels like a real loss.

The hardest part is that you did feel loved. At some point, it felt real. They did show up for you. So why didn’t it work? What happened?

The reality is that we all struggle with relationships. We fall out with friends, choose partners that don’t work, clash with family, or sit with ongoing tension at work.

The answer is simple. We were never taught how to do this. We rely on what comes naturally to us, like chemistry or shared interests. We have fun together and we spend more time together. But this is not what makes a relationship work.

We need skills. What comes naturally is not enough.  The good news is that these skills are possible to learn.

I’ve written a series of articles that make up this curriculum. This is a framework for building relationships that last.

Consider these a few of the lessons I wish we'd all been taught:

1.     Why connection isn’t enough

2.     What makes a safe person? (And are you one?)

3.     Trust: who gets access to you

4.     Boundaries: how to keep yourself safe

5.     Why we override ourselves

6.     Social support: Your life infrastructure

This isn't a complete guide. It's simply a place to begin. Click here to continue.