Coping with Grief

This is part two: a follow on from the first article in our series on grief.

The ‘work’ of grief includes:

• resolving any past grief

• fully acknowledging and accepting the intensity of present grief

• hurting, even though it‘s not pleasant

  
  

If you don‘t allow yourself to have that experience, you are blocking your healing. Instead of trying to deny or medicate the pain, realize that the hurt is necessary in order for you to heal.

Strategies to cope with grief:

Letting go and surrendering to the grieving experience, with the help of others, may bring comfort. Here are some other areas in which you can grieve ‘well‘:

· Self-expression

Talk. You deserve to express yourself at this difficult time, even though others may discourage you for having a strong emotional reaction. Talk about your loved one to others or to a mental health professional.

Write. Start or continue writing in a journal or diary. You may want to compose a letter to the deceased person to describe how you feel and say things you never got to say. Some questions to write about: how would you spend the rest of your life if you only had a short time to live? Would you say or do things differently? Be as honest as possible about how you feel.

Create. You may want to create a special collage or other artistically-inspired memento about your loved one, like a scrapbook. In the process, your thoughts and feelings may become clearer as you provide a creative outlet for expression. 

Remember. Let this be an opportunity to reflect on the good times. Looking back, what do you appreciate about the contributions of your loved one? What are the moments together that you cherish the most? Do things to honour and remember your loved one.

· Physical self-care

Get enough sleep. A regular sleep routine will be of benefit. Resting your body will help your emotional recovery. 

Avoid chemicals. Try your best to steer clear of substances like alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, because their side effects can be unhelpful in the long-term. 

Exercise regularly. If you are physically able, take a brisk walk. Choose something that will motivate you to get out of bed.

Eat well. Even if it‘s the furthest thing from your mind, pay attention to the quality of what you eat. Take the time to eat nutritious meals while avoiding processed or fast food.

· Emotional self-care

Have fun. Is there a book that you have wanted to read or a movie you haven‘t had time to see? This is the time to do it. Whether it‘s listening to uplifting music or getting a massage, do what makes you happy.

Forgive. The death of someone you love brings an end to opportunity to communicate. You may be reminded of the need to forgive that person for a past hurt—and forgive yourself if need be—then move on. Maybe you said something you regret. Perhaps you wish you had done more at the time. In your grief, you may have felt embarrassed, guilty or angry (which is completely understandable). Let yourself off the hook and apply that energy into something positive.

Plan ahead. Anniversaries and holidays bring their own particular challenges. You may feel especially emotional a year after your loved one dies, on their birthday or another significant marker. Attending an event such as a graduation, wedding or funeral can be highly charge. This is a completely normal reaction. In order to prepare, talk to other members of your family to find out what their expectations are. Decide together how you would like to change your traditions while honouring the memory of your loved one.

· Good social support

There are people who want to help you get through this time—friends, loved ones, bereavement counsellors, and professionals. Often people want to help, but don‘t know what to do.

Accept help that feels good.

It‘s alright to tell people who want to help how they can best help you.

One of the most helpful things might be to prepare healthy meals for you.

Some people can take time to just listen and hold you as you cry.

A good friend might even laugh with you, in the midst of your pain. It is important to have an outlet for sharing grief, even for people who aren‘t usually comfortable talking about their feelings.

Humans are social creatures and knowing that others know and understand will make you feel better and less alone with your pain.